Walking Away ____________ {V.2}

. 068

2012-02-02T01:20:00.002+08:00

If you want me, show me.
If you need me, tell me.
If you have me, show me off.
If I'm worth it - fight for me.

- via Twitter

---------------

That evening, on my way home from Bangkok, I found myself looking out of the window to this sight.

At over 30,000ft - gorgeous right? :) ♥

It has been manic at work. We're having transition from shitty Geneva to hopefully much better Merlot. Errors, of course, came up every now and then - but so far I have no trouble slotting in my simulator planning into the System. So yes.

It will be yet another long weekend. J and Pat are heading to Sarawak for the weekend. He asked if I'd like to join him and his Mom. I thought of staying home this weekend; or maybe fly up to Bangkok again. But a weekend jaunt to Borneo sounds just as great.

And I doubt it'll be worth it to do that trip to Bangkok. Because I simply have no idea where he is. He said he has to go North-East; but he might be somewhere else. I really don't wanna think about that. Seriously.

So maybe. I should just take up J's offer and spend some time with them this weekend :)

. 067

2012-02-01T00:53:00.001+08:00

Last weekend I was in Bangkok - wasn't so much of a planned trip. But for some rather personal reason; I just had to go. On that specific date, on that specific plane.
A colleague came along with me - because he's planning to meet up with the FAs there. At least he was on the same plane as I am. Else I'm sure I would've gone crazy.

I saw him at the gate. He saw me with my colleague. We texted and eventually bumped into each other. It was hard pretending we were strangers. I caught him looking while we were queueing up at the Immigration in Suvarnabhumi. I was already halfway to the Hotel when I finally read his text asking whereabout I am.

I booked myself into Holiday Inn - thinking it is close to where my colleagues are staying. But I, unfortunately, was dead wrong. It wasn't that close afterall.
No complaints nevertheless. I managed to collect some points for my Membership. And also for my Enrich :) So - double happiness!

I spent the first night in my room. Too lazy, too exhausted (both physically and mentally) to go out - even though I initially planned to meet up with the colleagues for some hardcore partying. Whatever. Ordered satay for late dinner and tucked myself into bed early enough that I found myself awake at the wee hour in the morning.

Went for some shopping at MBK the next day. Got some shirts for Dad, tops/dresses for myself and spent hours oggling at the gadgets. Pampered myself with a new perm and shiny nails ;) Of course - ended up buying cute Bunny tote bag at Siam Discovery. Bliss!

He came to see me late evening - and we went out for dinner. It was great to sit and talk properly again. The last time I saw him was, well, Christimas Eve.
I told him I can't carry on with these shits. And I did tell the truth - it is killing me. He said he'll respect my decision; and all he wanted is for me to be happy. I wanted so much to kick him out of my room. But somehow I found myself crying. So I gave in.

Maybe it's the fact that I hate his job. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe, even, the fact I have problems trusting after Christoph. I don't know; it's hard to say. I am so confuse. I really need to get my head together and figure out what I want.

Dear God. Can you please, please, please make this easy for me? :)

. 066

2012-01-21T01:55:00.000+08:00

Wanted to update this blog so much earlier - but each time I found myself staring blankly at the screen. Writer's block? Well maybe - though I don't see myself as a writer.
2011 left about 21 days ago. Time flies.
So many things happened few months into welcoming the new year. Saying "goodbye" to people who, after a while, meant nothing to me. Finally meeting an "online crush" I've known since I was 20 - in real life. I'll spare the 'lil details for next time, maybe.

We (the girlfriends and I + a guy friend) welcomed 2012 in Bali. We booked into two townhouses, rented a car (with supir) and went around the island. I've done pretty much everything touristy (the girls + one guy haven't) so this trip was just to relax and "find" myself. Which, didn't quite happen - so I'm looking forward to my next Bali trip in April :)

With Farah and Aishah at our townhouse.

Love my travel sisters ♥

The only guy in our group ;)

Pura Tirtha Empul - Tampaksiring

Dreamland Beach ♥

Spa-ing in Ubud

Dinner at Bebek Bengil, Ubud

Drinks at PotHead Beach Club

It was lovely to be around the beautiful people in my life. For those few days - I managed to just let my hair down and put work aside. Though just for a short while; it felt good.

I miss Bali. I miss the solace I found in Ubud. I can't wait to be back there again.
Soon, baby. Soooooon :)

. 065

2011-11-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

Had my first yoga session today, after what seems like ages. It was good to stretch and do the asanas after a long day at work. Tiring, but still good nevertheless.

My body is sore and aching. But I have no regrets. I'm gonna start to go religiously now; until I achieve that perfect flexibility :)

J's Mom is back from her trip to Canada last week. So we got together for lunch.
Mrs S is super cool - just like my Mom. It was awkward, at first. But I guessed we both kinda warmed up to each other after a while. We prepared dinner together - the three of us. She made us apple pie and baked croissant (and packed some for me) for breakfast the next day.

Bliss!

Coincidentally: Mrs S also teaches yoga at the temple nearby Saffron. And YTL offered her to open a Studio. J said I should check out his Mom's class, too, instead of just attending my session at the Academy.

I don't know where things are going between me and J. So I'm just gonna go by the flow.
He's one heck of a different man. Not the kind I'd usually date - according to an old friend I introduced to him when we were in Langkawi. But maybe the differences pulled me to him. With him, my feet are grounded. With him, I feel safe.

He's not the kind who goes barhopping. Not the kind who spends money on booze. I like that. Maybe I need someone like J to change me. I like how he spares some time for me in the midst of his thesis writing and giving lectures at Uni. I'm looking forward for him to finish his PhD; so I can call him Dr. JS :)

. 064

2011-10-28T00:19:00.001+08:00

My initial plan was to come home, rest and pack for next week's trip. But, well, that did not happen.

I printed things from shitty Geneva
It was raining outside. So I ended up working - even though, deep down inside, I was craving for good 'ol KFC. (Note to self: Must drag J to KFC tomorrow. Must.)

It has been manic at work. I have million things to do before I go off on my AL. It's sad. I haven't had much time to spend on myself (luckily I managed to drag myself to LGK) - let alone to catch up with friends. I miss my high school girlfriends. I haven't seen them in ages. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. It's like; when I accepted this job offer - I practically gave up my social life.
The only people I hang out with now are my colleagues. On occasions - I find myself having dinner with ex colleagues from MM-M. And twice a week - I spent the evening with J and Leonie at their place.

But life's been treatin' me well. So no complaints arise.

I've gotten rid of things that needed getting rid off.

The Saffron at Sentul East
... and I've got J who wakes up early to make me breakfast on days when I'd stay at Saffron :)) ♥

So yes. Life's good.

. 063

2011-10-17T03:41:00.000+08:00

The past while, I have been neglecting my blog. Right. Let's blame it on work ;) It has been manic at work - almost coming to the end of my probation period. By now, I've already gotten the hang of things. Well, most things at least.

I'm happy with work; with my Boss (who's not all the time around); with colleagues. Well - with life in general, though I'd be happy to change some things that happened the past months. I'm content now. I thank God for the blessings, of course.

Some things happened for a reason. Somebody walked into my life one day and turned my whole world upside down. He decided to not be part of my life just recently. He said he regretted meeting me because of something I didn't want to do. He couldn't be bothered asking why I made such decision; so I did the same - not bothering with explanation :)

Dear M (if you're reading this) - you might say shits to me but you're the last person I'd say I regret meeting. I treasured the friendship and everything you've done; but you made the decision to not be friends anymore. So I will let it be ...

It's your choice, never mine :)

---------------

Two weekends ago, I was in Langkawi. Managed to grab this pretty last minute deal on RedIcons - we stayed at Berjaya Langkawi Resort. Paid only RM450 for 2 nights stay in this cute hilltop chalet - such a great deal right? :)

The ocean chalets (or whatever they call them ...)

Rented this Honda City for RM60 per day :)

Those three days were spent driving around the island, stuffing our face full with seafoods, indulging at the Spa and lounging at beach bars in fancy schmancy resorts ;)

We went to Westin and I got to meet my Syabil ;)

... as well as my beautiful girlfriends ♥

We had lunch while looking out to this view :)

My favorite nasi goreng at Westin

Then we spent the evening lounging at The Four Seasons - looking out to this ...
That was, well, only two weeks ago - but we're already planning for the next trip to Langkawi ;)My travel partner fell in love with The Datai. So maybe we'll stay there next ♥

. 062

2011-09-09T12:55:00.000+08:00

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

-Grey's Anatomy

. 061

2011-07-17T18:21:00.004+08:00

Finally ...

My flat isn't the nicest in the world but fuck it - I'm actually very glad to be home. I miss the familiar feeling of my own comfy bed; I miss curling on the bed with a good book; I miss talking random things with my flatmate on the rare occasions when we'd bump into each other.

If I spend another day in a hospital room (no matter how fancy), I swear, I'd turn insane.

Today is a lovely day ♥
I've never seen such clear, clear blue sky. I felt a sense of peace. Made me smile - feeling less bleak inside. On beautiful days like this - I wish I could change a lot of things. I wish I could undo lots of mistakes.

On beautiful days like this - I wish I could go back to being the person I was all those years ago; the happy self I miss very much. Last weekend was the closest I felt to being that old Ninie. Last weekend I was able to look at someone in the eye, said "I love you" and actually meant what I said.

Our story is complicated. I don't like complications. I have no idea why he appears in my life on days like these.

Maybe, just maybe, God has a good reason of sending him over ...
Maybe, just maybe, God doesn't want me to give up on things just yet ...

I wish I have answers to my own questions. Oh well.

. 060

2011-05-10T02:38:00.003+08:00

I love the boys from Rhythm & Hues :)

Thank you for dinner and the buckets of drinks. Good end to my crazy Monday.

I have missed you guys; and I certainly had a fab time tonight.

And now I really need to get some sleep.

Good night, world!

. 059

2011-02-08T17:50:00.002+08:00

It was Hidayah's engagement last Saturday. Another good friend is slowly drifting into the married life ...

But she looked dazzling on that day; and I've never felt happier for her :)

With the lovely future bride ♥

For him ...

Taken ;)

With his side of the family.

We may not see each other that often. And I felt so honored when she asked me to be her pengapit :)

----------

My bestie was here over the weekend too. I picked her up before our usual dinner at Delicious and evening drinks at Pinchoa.

With Evon who flew from Jakarta for the CNY weekend

Feb and Rajat

At Pinchoa with Ann :)

Crazy nights in Jakarta seems so long ago ;)

It was really tiring. But I love letting my hair down every once in a while when my girls are around. So no complaints here :)

. 058

2011-01-14T15:07:00.003+08:00

Things have been good so far ;)

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

.
.

Jakarta, Indonesia

.
.

I was yapping away with bestie one afternoon when she came up with a travel plan.

"Babe, ini ada good deal ke India."

The next thing I remember: we were both on AirAsia website punching in our respective credit card numbers. The confirmation codes brought a huge smile to my face - that's for sure :)

I've always wanted to go to India. But I never thought my bestie would want to do it. Coming from a very well to do family - I don't see India on her "to visit" list.

New York; Paris - absolutely. But India?

And then she told me:

"Babe, if I can survive in India. I can survive anywhere."

Mumbai, India

Agra, India

Still a few more months to go. I still have to do my other trips and maybe another HKG in between. Bestie's going to US in March then South Korea in April.

But seriously: I'm already looking forward to Indiaaaaaaa ~

Traveling long haul on AirAsia will be a pain - that's for sure. Charging to the credit cards is easy. The credit cards might be shiny Platinum but ...

So we're giving Malaysia Airlines a pass.

(Maybe only to Hong Kong ...)

I've got this friend who once told me she'd never take LCCs because the service is bad. But well - you got what you pay for right?
At least by traveling on LCCs - I get to travel more than she does and not cause a huge hole in my pocket :)

"I am not the same again; having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world .."
- Mary Ann Radmacher

My hands are itching to pack my bag. My feet are itching to board yet another plane. The fact I have my shiny, new Visa in possession isn't helping either :(

. 057

2011-01-03T16:41:00.002+08:00

Instead of celebrating the arrival of 2011 with the girls - I found myself roaming (not exactly; but kind of...) the streets of Hong Kong. Not that I'm very good in planning; but this was very last minute indeed.

Arriving at HKG.

D is a sweetheart.
He picked me up from Airport Express station; got me an Octopus card with hundreds of dollars in it; let me crash at his bachelor pad; made me breakfast in the mornings; paid for everything else.

View of TST from D's 21st floor apartment unit on Causeway Bay.

The only two things I actually paid myself were my HK$300 winter jacket from H&M and HK$75 on a glass of lime juice that night at The Dublin Jack.

(Trust me. Those weren't as terribly expensive as it sounded.)

I love Hong Kong. Really.
And now I know why my bestie is crazy for Hong Kong. It is not home; but definitely somewhere I could live :)

Roaming around Central HK while D's at work.

I ♥ you

Lunch with D at this fancy schmancy place ;)

D took me out to Lan Kwai Fong on New Year's Eve.
I was introduced to a bunch of people from his rugby thing. And their wives/partners. It was fun; thought I felt a 'lil out of place at first. But after a few drinks - everybody just sorta went crazy ;)

I wish my bestie was there; celebrating with me. But ...

On my last day - D and I took the ferry across to Tsim Sha Tsui. We walked the Avenue of Stars and hung out at Starbucks. It was a lovely morning. Made me feel sad of leaving.

But I know. I will definitely will be visiting again :)

. 056

2010-12-02T16:30:00.002+08:00

I did it. A few days ago I booked my flight.

Still months to go but I'm already quite excited. Will be meeting MS in Paris; then ~~prolly~~ to the Netherlands to see Rod (he'll kill me if I don't come visit) and Norway to visit my darling Lisa and Germany to visit an 'ol friend from my primary years :)

Paris: I will be revisiting you ♥

. 055

2010-11-11T02:15:00.002+08:00

Dude,

You messed up. Just admit it.
Stop pointing fingers like it's one person's fault.

It takes two to tango.

Liar, liar. Pants on fire. Hah.

Sape suruh kau menipu ???

Stop stalking my FB profile. It's mine - I can write whatever I want on it.
Whatever happened is between you and I - you don't have to drag your mates into it. They're big enough to make up their minds.

Please, please, please. It's a done deal. Stop acting like a baby.

What are you? Three year old?

. 054

2010-11-01T22:49:00.002+08:00

I wanted my weekend to be a quiet one; but the plan failed miserably. Ended up at Changkat BB on Saturday night with Izy and her mates. Terribly crowded. Full with sweaty, smelly people.

But fun nevertheless.

Izy & David with some random dudes

David & I with the same random dudes

Bumped into MC as I was leaving the street carnival. I knew he's gonna be at Changkat BB; but wasn't at all expecting to actually meet him. We hung out a bit. I resorted to chilling at Pinchos with him and his workmates.

They were dancing next to me. I thought they're interesting ;)

With MC and the possibly very drunk Lis

Saw some familiar faces at Pinchos too. But that was expected. It was, afterall, Saturday night.

When we finally walked out of the bar, it was close to 4am. Still, instead of going home, we hung out at mamak with the R&H team and some of Pinchos' staffs.

He was kinda like my date ;)

My follow up treatment at the hospital on Friday made me a bit dizzy. No, it wasn't the drinks I had. MC only bought me two wine cocktails and a glass of cham ice ;)

But it was a great night. Thank you guys! Me love you deep deep ♥

. 053

2010-10-22T15:18:00.003+08:00

Izy and I took the boys to Sate Hj. Samuri in Kajang last night.
Long drive; but was worth it. We ordered so much - beef, chicken, venison, rabbit etc.

B paid :)

... And camwhoring is a must.

Izy & I ♥

Izy & the boys

The boys & I :)

Izy stayed over at mine's after dropping B and Benno "home".

We had good chats over things - love, life. Whatever else. Izy was impressed with B's abilities to "read" her; I was too. Whatever he told me about myself are true.
I showed him the photo of squareface I have in my cell. He said things. I trust his words. So I chose to let go; and Izy said that was, perhaps, the best thing to do.

Rod, I'm sure you're very proud of me now ;)

It was nice to have Izy stayed over. We talked and talked and talked until about 3am.

:)

. 052

2010-10-20T17:59:00.003+08:00

"A big new friendship is just one small smile away ..."

Last week Izy invited me to join her (and her mates) for a graduation party. It was fun though. Pretty much took my mind off squareface. At least for that point of time ;)

She introduced me to a whole bunch of people. There were at least 30 of us crowding outside Zouk on a Friday night. I wanted to leave early; but my intention failed miserable. I stayed 'till closing; even joined them for early breakfast.

I love great people. They made me smile :)

The Ritz Carlton

Breakfast at Cesar's

My hearty breakfast ♥

I spent my weekend at The Ritz. So I can finally scratch that off my "to do" list now.

Wasn't actually my room; but a friend is over for a techie conference. So I was, ehem, given the chance to crash over before he hopped next door to JW Mariott where they're all supposed to be staying at. Thank you B. You're a sweetheart.

'Twas a lovely night.
~~Full of catching up~~. And talking randomly. I will miss B when he leaves. Definitely.

. 051

2010-07-14T02:07:00.002+08:00

Credit: Airliners

Letting someone go is very difficult; but in some cases it'll be more difficult if you don't.

- TheLoveStories

I've had the most fab time knowing you. We might have had our fall-outs but I will not trade it for anything else in the world. Who else can I talk nonsense with? Who else will be able to understand my Aviation jargons? I will miss you. Definitely.

Our timings sucked!

Good luck P, with your new job in MEL.

----------

And oh. Did I tell you I have stalkers?

I know some of my (now ex) colleagues read my blog. But little did I know; there are some who even saved my blog in Favourite. Not only that - somebody from the Office has been reading through my Archives too.

I have an IP Logger. I'm not stupid.

There's this quote I found earlier;

"If your haters care enough to bother with what you do, then you're better than them."

So either I have much interesting life than theirs can ever be or they plainly have absofuckinglutely nothing to do. Oh wait. I think it has to be both. So anyways. Feel free to stalk my blog - I'm not gonna change my URL or put my blog on private.

Did I tell you peeps the higher traffic I get, the better profits I gain? :)

And to those who made a fuss out of me deleting them off my Facebook friends' list - GET A LIFE will 'ya! I need those spaces for my real friends. And it's just a bloody Facebook for God's sake. What are you? A bunch of 6-year olds?

'kthxbai.

----------

. 050

2010-06-21T01:35:00.002+08:00

Izzy (the girl I met at QR CV Submission Day) invited me to a dinner function with DPM last week.

Foods were great - I've always liked what they serve at Crowne Plaza though. Izzy was hillarious. We had good laugh and camwhored the whole time.

Thank you Izzy! ♥

----------

I received an email from my so-called friend.

She said I insulted her friends at the office. Like wtf? I've said things - but it wasn't meant for them. Who asked them to be so insecure, thinking I'm talking bad about them? Who fucking asked them to stalk my Facebook account and translated everything I wrote in foreign languages to English?

My so-called friend said I'm giving her bad name because apparently, according to her, she was the one who brought me into the office. Another wtf? Fine. Yes, she help submitted my CV. But probably she forgot - I came for the interview, like other applicants. I answered their tests, like other applicants. It wasn't like she submitted my CV and I got in automatically.

At the end of her email - she said "... why don't you just leave."
Like she's the one paying my salary. But at least I have the balls to actually leave. Unlike her who talked about it but wouldn't wanna do anything about it just because her ex boyfriend is working at the same company - and technically she wanted to show him she can be more successful that he is.

She told me I should grow up. That I should at least care about what other people feels.
Oh. So I have to care about what other people feels while they barely think about how I might feel? Sorry - that is certainly not me.

I don't need somebody like her in my life. And I certainly don't come to that office to be bestfriends with everyone.

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. 049

2010-06-14T08:37:00.002+08:00

Deutschland mit perfektem Start :)

4:0

Told 'ya they'd win!!

Ich liebe dich Lukas Podolski! ♥

Für weitere News -> HIER

. 048

2010-06-07T23:50:00.003+08:00

5th June 2010

It was a huge crowd that night. Most of whom I can barely recognize -
But it was great being able to mingle around with 'ol buddies nevertheless. And of course, networked with new ones.

The crowd :)

I spent only two years there - but the Committee members were lovely enough to invite me.

I ♥ reunions. Really.

. 047

2010-05-27T22:59:00.002+08:00

And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well
You are the only exception

♥♥♥

. 046

2010-05-21T03:39:00.002+08:00

After much contemplation, I finally gave in.

Instead of getting my ticket to MEL, I bought three tickets (for myself and parents) to SGN. My mum, she's been wanting to see SGN (they did HAN before) so this will be some sort of a little treat for her :)

See. So much for trying to restrain myself. Hmph.

----------

Life's been wonderful these days.

I feel blissfully happy. And content. I know the Big Boss has something better in store for me.
I've decided (though only on part-time basis) to go back to school. Classes start this Saturday and I couldn't have been happier. For a while, I thought I've gone insane - I never look forward to bury myself in study modules but .....

My ex and I have actually started to have decent "conversations" without driving each other crazy with sarcastic statements - though only via texts.
No, we're not trying to fix the relationship. Let bygones be bygones. He's seeing somebody and I couldn't have been happier for him.

I guess: we've finally, finally, finally let go of each other :)

Oh. And the Big Boss blessed me with these wonderful people.

And a few others whose photos I don't have here with me at the mo'.

Just one more thing. One more thing I need that will make me a jolly, happy girly. Be patient, Ninie. Be patient.

Oh. I'm also eyeing Verve Suites - which I talked to mum about yesterday. She's not too keen on the idea, but I hope she (and my dad) will say "yes" - eventually.

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. 045

2010-05-16T12:34:00.002+08:00

I often asked myself if I've picked the right sets of friends.

Fake friends are like shadows:
Always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at the darkest hour.

I guess the quote is right after all.

You see. I have these so-called "friends" I've been hanging out with pretty religiously the past while. To me: they're the siblings I didn't get a chance to have - the good friends I (used to be) thankful to have. Yes, if they read this, they were there to listen to my problems. They were there when I needed shoulders to cry on.

But that was back then. Which seemed like a lifetime away now.

Then we started to talk less.
Occasionally - they will talk to me. If they needed help on something or if they needed to know something on traveling.

Other than that. Nil.

But at the age of 26 - I realised these are no longer the type of friends I need.

I spent the past days at the hospital.
Sure - I've got the lovely girls who are only a call away. Chi Huay who wanted to be kept updated with my progress since the day I was admitted; Jackie, Elyne & Kevy (and the rest) who wished me well. Even the blokes (even those half the world away) who showed they actually cared.

Some don't even care. I didn't ask any of them to visit.
But I guess one measly text message to ask "How are you?" is too expensive for them :)

They will bitch about me, I'm sure. Just like how we used to talk about other people - back then.
They will say I'm a drama queen; an attention seeker, I'm sure.

But do I care? Nah. Not at all.

It took me three days to realise who my real friends are.
It took me three days to realise I've wasted months caring about people who are only there during happy times.

From now on - I'm perfectly fine having them as just my Facebook friends.
And I'm perfectly fine if they want to delete me off their friends' lists.

We're merely acquaintances afterall. Nothing more, nothing less.

:)

. 044

2010-03-16T00:04:00.006+08:00

I spent my weekend hanging out with Dean -
We went shopping; we hung out with my mates; had dinner at fancy schmancy restaurants along Changkat Bukit Bintang; we talked until the wee hours.

I enjoyed his company. I had fun. Really.

We decided to meet for dinner at Luna Bar earlier.
Over pizza and a bowl of wedges; he whispered he misses me. We had good laugh, good conversations while looking at KL skyline. With his arms wrapped around me, he presented me with a key.

"The key to Bidara."

He said. I blushed. I didn't know what to say. So I asked if he really wants me to have it. Like, many many times. And he kept having to assure me that he does.

He said he's glad I'm now in his life. He said I made him the happiest man. Whenever I look at him - I know he meant what he said, I know he's genuine with his words. We were out for dinner two nights ago with Chris (his colleague) - the bloke claimed he saw happiness written on Dean's face.

Last weekend - we were out at IKEA buying household stuffs and Tesco/Mercato for groceries. We both agreed we looked like a married couple. But I guess we both enjoyed it too.

And now; I am in possession of his apartment's key.
And now; he said I have a place I could call my home.

My second home.

. 043

2010-02-12T09:09:00.004+08:00

I received this in my Outlook this morning.

Sedikit demi sedikit rasa cinta ini hilang juga
Melihat raut wajahmu seperti melihat sampah busuk

I almost fell off the chair laughing at the way she emphasized the second sentence. Thank you Nazrin ♥

. 042

2010-02-04T08:25:00.002+08:00

So, so many things happened -
I need some time alone. Some time to actually digest all these that has been happening to me.

I stopped by D's hostel yesterday to drop the receipt I've been keeping. I knew perfectly well I didn't want to see him - for some very obvious reasons. But the girl at the Reception; she took my hand and pulled me inside. She said she understood how I felt but thought it's better for me to talk to D in person.

So I went in.
So I saw him.
So we talked.

I'm not going to write here what we talked about. But enough by saying - it was like talking to a complete stranger. Not the person I knew. Certainly not the person I came to really like.

But, of course, I have to admit I played some part in him acting that way. The whole name-calling thingamajig. I didn't mean it. Really. I said what I said because I was angry. And afraid. Afraid of what? Also something I'd rather not write her for the whole world to know.

You see. I'm not the kind who cries in front of a stranger. I'm strong, well, most of the times. But yesterday when I was in his arms, when he kissed my forehead, when he played with my hair - the way he always does; I cried.
I wanted so badly to tell him things I wanted to say. But I can't. I just can't simply say it aloud.

At that point, I thought it was best if he doesn't know.

I drove home, crying. Not sure how I managed to be back in one piece. But I did.

I talked to Rod. And Nazrin.
They've been great help. Really great ones. I don't know what would I do if they weren't around yesterday.

Talking to Rod made me realised I should at least tell D the things I wanted to tell him. So I did. I sent him an email and explained why I did/said things I did/said. I'm not perfectly sure he will understand. I'm also not sure how he will reacts. But at least I got it, part of it, out of my system.

I hate freaking out over silly/stupid things. But the last time I did - it turned out that my instinct was actually right.

Letting that happened the second time? Thanks, but no, thanks.

. 041

2010-02-03T01:02:00.002+08:00

The first time I miss you I knew
I knew I never wanna leave you

Each and every day
I'm falling, falling, falling and falling ...

Will you be there to catch me? ♥

. 040

2010-01-25T22:24:00.002+08:00

Just a few weeks ago I was whining to my girls about how much I missed him. Just a few weeks ago I thought Michael was my everything.

I wouldn't call it a fateful evening. But it was that day, a particular someone (conveniently) walked into my life and turned me (partly) crazy.

It was in front of Kinokuniya when I first saw him. The warmth, the charm - I melted. Over ice teas at the Food Court, I was unable to look him in the eyes. There was something about him. Something that made my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Something that gave me butterflies in the stomach. Something that made me looked away half the time.
I asked if he'd like to take a walk at the park - safe excuse; so I wouldn't have to look at him. Then we went for Indian food. He could've just left after that - but no. He decided it was best if he walked me to my car (secretly.. I was hoping he would do that.)

We talked so much that evening. I felt the good vibe. I felt the instant connection. I felt like I've know this guy longer than just a few hours - how often do one gets to feel that anyway?

When I dropped him off in front of KLCC; when he gave me those polite "two kisses on the cheeks" - I knew I wanted to see him again.

And that, my friends, was the start of our (almost) daily meeting :)

He met my bestfriend on our second "date" -
(and I don't just introduce any guy to my bestfriend.. so go figure!)

They got along well (and Feb isn't the kind who likes somebody almost instantly). We had dinner at Madam Kwan with two friends from CouchSurfing; actually met THE Madam Kwan and spent the rest of the evening talking over drinks at La Bodega.

It was that night when we first walked hand in hand. And it was that night too, in front of his hostel - I realised I do actually really like this guy.

I bet by now, all you readers, have started to think I'm the kind who falls in and out of love easily. I might seem so - but actually I'm not.

With this one - I fell for his personality; the way he carries himself. I adore his well-traveled self. I like the fact we have many, many things in common. I love the fact I could just sit there with him, not saying a word and yet still feeling satisfied.

I wanted so much to fall head over heels with him. But I'm not sure he'll be there to catch me when I fall - considering "who" he is. I told him how I wish he's not just a passer-by. It'll make things far less complicated.

He left for Malacca on Sunday -
Never thought I'd be saying this but yes, I'm admitting to the world - I'm already beginning to miss him :(

. 039

2009-11-14T09:45:00.003+08:00

It has been nine months -
I've finally gotten the hang of everything. I've finally warmed up to the colleagues. Though this isn't my choice of long term career (said that to my GM and he was very supportive of my dreams) but I love it here.

This will do. For now.

I'm still very much single. But no complaints. I love how things are - being free to go out with the guys, having a lot of 'me' time, etc.
Among the girls at the office - only Nazrin and I are still single. The rest are either married or engaged or at the very least, in a relationship. Some of them made remarks on that. But of course they got told off by either one of us. Who says one needs a guy to be happy??

I can stand on my own two feet yo!

----------

The past few days I've been sleeping late - know why??

Free seats from AirAsia. Yes. That's why ;)

Most (free) tickets are gone by now - according to my colleagues. But I managed to grab tickets to five destinations. All at RM0.00 fare (only need to pay airport taxes + some admin fee).
I can't wait for the trips lined up next year.

Jogjakarta, Indonesia
18th - 21st June 2010

I got this for RM35 and Nazrin (though online at the same time) didn't manage to get the cheap airfare. So (for now) my plan is to go to JOG on my own.

Bandung, Indonesia
20th - 23rd July 2010

To nurse her sadness for not being able to grab the JOG ticket - Nazrin asked if I'm up for a (shopping) trip to BDO. Which I immediately jumped at though I've been there before. This cost only RM55 (because we paid for luggage).

Vientiane, Laos
7th - 10th August 2010

Got myself ticket to Laos (since I've always wanted to go there) for only RM60. Talked Nazrin into following me - which I ended doing successfully. The photo above is of Kuangsi Waterfall in Luang Prabang. Though we're flying to VTE - I might skip that and take a trip to Luang Prabang instead :)

Jakarta, Indonesia
20th - 23rd September 2010

I'm taking my parents to CGK - paid only RM35 /pax. Bought one for Nazrin too (because she paid for my ticket to BDO), so she's following me and the folks. Babe, nanti kita berspa okay? ;)

Manila, Philippines
28th - 30th October 2010

Again Nazrin didn't manage to get RM25 ticket that I paid for. So (for now) I'm going alone. Oh. The photo above is of Paoay Church in North Luzon - credit goes out to dodongflores :)

Initially I plan to visit India sometime next year - but guess now it has to be at a halt :(

See. If I have a boyfriend I'm sure I won't be able to buy tickets at the very first instinct. Sure he'll want me to discuss things with him first.

Double yuck.

Thank you mak for the credit cards. And thank you AirAsia for the cheap, cheap flights :)

----------

Long weekend on November 27th -
I have to work on Saturday. But am planning to take the day off ;)

♥

. 038

2009-10-12T08:58:00.002+08:00

My bestie was here a couple of weeks ago -
It was great seeing her after so long. We met up - but not as often as I would've liked. I've been busy at work; and she was busy spending time with the family :)

But we still managed to have dinner at our favorite place - Delicious Marc Residence ♥

Me. Feb. Stuart. Onne.

We were contemplating which bar to go to. So Stuart brought us to Sultan - the new Lounge in Mandarin Oriental. He was involved with designing the Lounge's interior or something; so we got in for free ;)

And it quickly became another one of our favorite hangout.

My girls at Sultan.

Us three ♥

My bestie met Nazrin and Aween too -
Since we're heading to Bali together; I thought it'll be good to introduce them to one another. Which went out great. The girls got along fine - like they've known each other for ages :)

Then the two of us went bar-hopping again.

My bestie developed a certain liking for Stuart ;) He was at Gypsy so bestie dragged me there - supposedly to only see him for a while. But yeah right!!

We ended up staying for hours - with Stuart feeding us with glasses and glasses or beer.

Stuart and I :)

I've had long days at work - with tons of backlog ads etc.
So it was nice to let my hair down once in a while. And 'em two were great company.

----------

I need a new cellphone -

I'm contemplating between getting a BlackBerry or an iPhone. I like BlackBerry - but DiGi doesn't offer BlackBerry service. And iPhone - well I've heard several different opinions so now I have mixed feelings about buying one.

So maybe I'll settle with good 'ol Nokia :)

Nokia - N97

I saw a promo HSBC sent with the credit card bill. Pretty good deal - but still quite expensive. So we'll see. I don't quite like spending two salaries on just a cellphone ;)

----------

. 037

2009-10-07T01:22:00.002+08:00

We met about a year ago. I don't believe in love at the first sight - but I've liked him since the first time he took me out.

On our second date - he kissed me. It was, by far, one of the best kisses I've had. Since Christoph. The last time I saw him - we walked hand in hand. He left me feeling a certain unexplainable sensation. Not the lusting kind of sensation. But something much more.

I've never liked a guy that much. Since Christoph. But he is everything I could ever wish for.

A friend said him and I look very comfortable with each other. And I guess: even idiots could see the huge crush I have on him.

We managed to catch each other on GTalk tonight.

After much coaxing - I found out he's seeing someone. He met her while on an assignment in Italy. She's Sudanese; living in Khartoum. And they're dating long distance.

He said he loves her. But not a 100% sure she's the right one - religion being the biggest problem. I was like, wow. I didn't expect to hear that maybe. Mainly because we've never actually discussed our love lives.

Then I started crying.

Nazrin was online - so we talked. She said life's about going places and sometimes you just don't belong. She also said it works the same way with people and perhaps he's not meant to be in my life for a lifetime.

I wish I could change things. But I can't go against fate. Plus: I'm not sure if he even likes me the same way.

And I'm not the kind of girl who pursue other people's boyfriend.

He will always, always have that special place in my heart.
But I know - letting go is the only thing I should be doing now. It has been a long wait, after all.

. 036

2009-09-10T09:51:00.002+08:00

The past few days I have done nothing but burning holes in my pocket.

Last Sunday: I chopped my hair short. I love Agnes (my usual stylist to bits) but decided to go for another salon. It turned out great. Edmond suggested I go for hair relaxing then highlight my fringe. But I opted to not spending so much at one go.
Then I wandered off to Jaspal - where I saw some really good bargain. I grabbed two tops at 30% discount; same pattern but different colors.

Then on Wednesday - I got tired of my short but very wavy hair. Spent the whole day (at the office) googling for potential hair salons. It's called Ish in Bangsar; but the stylist said they will charge an hourly rate. Like wtf? Then I called Peek-A-Boo but it'll take longer than the usual 2.5 hours. And I don't wanna wait.
I read some good reviews on 'Allo Expat (or something) about this salon close to my house - Eco in Great Eastern Mall. So I settled there - they use Schwarzkopf; so that's a plus point. Doesn't take too long; so I still managed to arrive home in time for berbuka puasa.

Turned out good. I'm very happy with the result ♥

And yesterday - I found myself in Jaspal (again!) after work. They should bloody give me extra discounts by now ;) I saw this nice black, practically see through top the last time I was there. There were only two pieces left yesterday - so I bought one at 30% discount.

I first went to the store with Kevy. And bought my first tee. Now I'm hooked.
The brand is originally from Thailand. Prices are at par with Zara; slightly pricier than Mango; half the price of Ted Baker. They have wide selections of tops, pants, skirts and dresses - all good for casual/office wear. Oh, and they also have menswear in store.
Great thing is - even the size 'S' tops fit me nicely. Get the picture? ;)

I ~~like~~ love Jaspal ♥

It was rumored that H&M will be opening its' store in the heart of the Golden Triangle soon-ish. I can't wait. And I hope it is not just a rumor though :)

----------

Michael knew I wasn't fasting yesterday - so we met up at Dome for coffee. It was nice to finally be able to see him after, what, two weeks. I didn't even mind the fact I was being teased the whole time :)

He's leaving for London tomorrow; the back home to Ireland for a short vacay. I never thought I'd admit this - but I think I will miss him. He said he'll have more time for me once they finish the shooting in London. But I don't rely on his words so much anyway :)

He mentioned doing the whole Lookout Point dinner and a weekend in The Gardens. Which, of course, sounded very tempting to me.

So we'll see.

But always good to know he's up to meeting up with my bestie when she comes round.

I took Mum out last night for breaking fast - though I'm not fasting. We went to The Living Room a few weeks back but since she's still very much into The Planter's Inn - we decided to just go there :)

I love, love their Ramadhan buffet. My favorite is, of course, the very rare deer meat. Sedap sehingga menjilat jari. We hung around talking, eating until around 9ish before decided to just call it a day. I was tired okay -

My Dad (whom I seldom mention here) was jealous because he's not around to tag along.

----------

. 035

2009-09-03T09:15:00.003+08:00

Life's too short for the wrong job.

... Or in German - Das Leben ist zu kurz für den falschen Job ♥

I couldn't be more than agree - but for now, I'm okay with what I have.
But these ads by a Berlin-base agency, Scholz & Friends, caught my attention. And I'm very sure they catch thousands other attentions too.

The creative team did a brilliant job. This particular campaign even won several different Lions awards at Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival in 2006, 2007 and 2008 -

The ads are for Jobsintown :)

I would really love to see such ads around town. And now I wonder if Michael is as creative as these people from Scholz & Friends ;)

----------

. 034

2009-08-31T23:37:00.002+08:00

I told my bestie I'll be taking Mum out for a berbuka puasa treat at The Westin this Wednesday.
She said I'm an anak baik ...

Seven years ago - I was not.
I was their problem child. Rebellious, selfish, rude, whatever. I was the girl who cared about nothing but herself.

I had problems/fights with my parents; I ran away.
I lost my grandmother; I ran away.
My parents hated my (then) boyfriend; I ran away.
I had problems I can't solved; I ran away.

Basically, I solved (or thought I could solve) everything by running away.

So seven years ago - I bet I won't give a damn about giving my parents some fancy treat.

But one day, I was snapped out of that 'world'.
A certain person made me realized running away is not the key to problem solving. A certain person made me realized that I have to (at some point) face my problem and not chicken out. A certain person made me realized other people's feelings are just as important as my own.

And for that; I couldn't thank him enough :)

So I put my feet back on the ground and tried my best to do things a different way.

I do have dreams - those dreams are still in tact. But for now, I decided to put my elderly parents' first. An ex was not happy with that decision I made because apparently to him I might be choosing the wrong path. Apparently to him the right decision is by doing it the other way 'round so I could be happy.

But I know he's wrong.

Happiness comes in many forms. My happiness comes in many, many forms.
I found my happiness here; just by staying close to everyone I care about. I found my happiness in the girls - my best friends. I found my happiness in the weekend jaunts I try to do every month. And for the moment; I also found my happiness in the VVIPs in my life ;)

So yeah. I don't have to leave everything behind to find my happiness afterall.

But I'm not ashamed to admit; I was once that young and naive girl who thought problems can be solved by running away. And happiness can only be found when I'm half the world away from my folks.

I'm glad I'm no longer that young and naive girl.

----------

I was flipping through the albums I have on Facebook - and this photo caught my attention.

Feb. Marcus. Me.

I miss her - my bestie. But I'm glad I'm seeing her soon. And I'm glad she said 'yes' to our Bali trip this December. I know she's going through some tough time - but she doesn't come whining to me. We talked on the phone/online every now and then; but never once she made the conversation revolved around her life.

I haven't seen him since last year; and I miss him very, very much. Calling is expensive - the other day when we texted; he was on his way back from gallivanting around Scandinavia. He asked if I'm still coming to Europe. I wish I am; I wish I did buy the ticket to STO while it was still cheap. But I was stupid enough to not just grab it :(

I told him I missed him. And he said he missed me too.

Kenapa la semua orang yang aku sayang tinggal jauh? Why, God? Why?

----------

. 033

2009-08-24T11:37:00.002+08:00

First, it was Serendah. When we met last week, he mentioned this place I've never heard of. Okay - I'm not very knowledgeable about my city. So what??

He's off to HKG end of the week. He suggested we check out this place called The Lookout Point; in Ampang (for berbuka puasa) when he's back in KUL next week. Who am I to not agree right? Lagipun aku sangat suka jika dibelanja ;)

Credits: Kelvin Yam

Since I have too much time in hand; and I like to look like I'm busy at work - I decided to google for it. It does look nice though (ref. to the photo above). There are three restaurants there; I asked Michael to surprise me when he makes the reservation :)

You can read more HERE.

----------
I miss the girlies -
We haven't had the chance to hang out since the last Ramadhan. But at least I have Nazrin here at the office :) We made plan to go out for iftar again this year. She suggested this restaurant called Bijan on Changkat Bukit Bintang - which mum and I went looking for yesterday.

Bijan Bar & Restaurant
No. 3, Jalan Ceylon
50200 Kuala Lumpur

Tel: 03-2031 3575/6568

I also thought I'd take my mum out one of these days. We usually go to Crowne Plaza for berbuka puasa once a year - without fail. This year (since I'm already earning my own bucks) I thought of bringing her to another place.

Westin seems to have pretty good offer - over 700 choices of food and they even provide air zam-zam :)

Note to Self: Remember to ask mum if she'd like to dine at Westin this year.

----------

. 032

2009-08-21T11:20:00.006+08:00

I can barely remember when was the last time I blogged.

I've been meaning to blog. Really. But sometimes it just slipped my mind -
The last weeks had been pretty busy too. Busy working; busy catching up with friends. I think I went out far too often and spent $$$ far too much :(

Michael and I still try to religiously see each other. At least once a week.

----------

I spent last weekend in Siem Reap, Cambodia.

I came home after work one day and announced "Hey guys! I'm flying to Siem Reap for the weekend." - my mum freaked out. Probably because she thought I postponed my trip after being sick the week before. But, of course, I went anyway :)

Michael decided to tag along. He said it'll be our chance to really get to know one another.

I like the airport in Siem Reap. It is really cute. Very Khmer-ish ;)
Michael arranged for airport transfer so the driver came to pick us up in a really fancy schmancy car. Pardon my ignorance - but I didn't know Cambodians drive on the other side of the road. I was too tired from the early morning flight (I guess!) so I didn't exactly pay so much attention to my surrounding.

Our hotel is situated maybe about 10mins away from the city center. It was really, really nicely designed. The staffs are amazingly efficient too - check-in was done while we were busy sipping fruit punch and they let us into our room even though it was only 10am.

And we had a huge room with a huge bed too ♥

----------

We spent the afternoon in town - very small but cozy town. Full of tourists of course. Too many bars/cafe/restaurants; I have no idea which one to choose. Since I was already rambang mata, Michael dragged me to The Blue Pumpkin (close to the Old Market) for lunch. Nice place to chill at after walking under the hot sun; also good place to mingle with other tourists.

The Blue Pumpkin (interior)

I made an appointment at this spa place in town (sue me for being a girl!) so I dragged Michael there - after we did some shopping at the Old Market.

Wasn't that far though. Only about 15mins walk from the center -
It was a really nice place. The spa is called Visaya Spa & Pool; located inside the compound of FCC Angkor. We both had what they called Visaya Touch of Heaven. The spa package was amazing - it includes foot bath, scrub&wrap, massage and facial. Oh. We also had candle-lit romantic bath ;)

Which led to Michael being asked by one of the masseuse if I'm his wife. Life wtf?
With the exception of having his fingers entwined between mine and us sharing quick kisses - do I look like a wife?

Visaya Spa & Pool

It was four hours - but a great way of spending four hours.
A bit overpriced too (we were charged $158 /pax) as I've had equally great spa for only $60 in *cough* Jakarta *cough*
But I guess it's because they're using that fancy Jurlique product :)

Michael paid for us both because my credit card failed to work. So that was like RM1,119 *shivers* BLOODY HELL!

The next day - we did what we went there for. Rented a tuk-tuk and spent the whole day at the temple complexes. We visited Angkor Wat (of course!) - which was simply amazing. Then the tuk-tuk took us to Angkor Thom where we visited Bayon, Baphuon and several other smaller temples. We had lunch at one of the stalls nearby - which was great; because I get to try traditional Khmer dishes.
It was still rather early when we left Angkor Thom; so we decided to explore Ta Prohm. It was less busy as compared to Angkor Wat and Angkor Thom - and I admire it. You can see trees growing out of the ruins; which isn't a usual sight :)

I was supposed to meet up with Nikki (a girl I 'met' on CS) but unfortunately we didn't get to cross path -- she already left when we arrive at Khmer Kitchen. But spending time with Michael was great nevertheless :) We walked around after dinner; thought of chilling out at X Bar but it was pretty dead. So we settled at Angkor What? on Pub Street.

Angkor What?
For the whole three days; I had a fab time. I enjoyed Cambodia. I met really nice people, saw the amazing temples and experienced the "real life" Malaysia sometimes is missing. But at the same time - it was also hard for me to digest.

Cambodia is full with beggars. Not to critic or insult; but life is very difficult over there - especially if you're unlucky enough to have walked on a landmine; if you've lost your parents or were abused and had to go live on the streets; if life brought you down and made you unable to feed your family. Those - are the hardships some of these unlucky Cambodians had to face.

As a result -
You see kids trying to sell you bracelets/books/postcards. You see them everywhere. They learned to say simple sentences like "X bracelets for X dolaaaaar" or "Money to go to schooool" - and they look at you with a really sad face. It made you want to help them but you can't because there are just too many of them. And sadly, you can't help all :(
At their age; I was still playing with my Barbies in the comfort of my home. Therefore seeing these kids on the streets almost brought tears to my eyes.

But on the other hand; Cambodians are struggling to live and they will grab every opportunities they have to improve their conditions. It is almost a culture. I was at a gallery with Michael - we were being ignored by the sales girl; because she was so busy chatting up a Japanese guy.
And of course (like most other Asian countries) more attention will be given to Western travelers. Michael was lucky because he was with me ;)

Being in Cambodia made me realised how lucky I am to be me; to live in my country. But I love it there. I would love to go back - this time to visit other parts of Cambodia; to immerse myself in the local culture. And not just being a tourist.

----------

. 031

2009-07-30T11:33:00.006+08:00

Source: Nimmy's Experiment with Blogging

I don't wish to be everything to everyone,
But I would like to be something to someone.

- Javan

. 030

2009-07-26T20:52:00.002+08:00

Mum woke me up early this morning with the news - the passing of my favorite movie director; Yasmin Ahmad. It was shocking. Really. A couple of days ago she collapsed and was immediately sent to the hospital; where she went through an operation.

On that very day; I received Twitter updates saying she passed away. But those were just rumors. Until today - because it wasn't just a rumor anymore :(

She sets a very high standard of quality in our film industry. Remember Sepet? It is one of Yasmin's controversial film. But it is also extraordinary. Despite criticisms (even from one of the ministers) the movie touched many hearts. And gained international recognitions. And her ads. Yasmin beautifully choreographed heart warming ads - who can forget those various Hari Raya/CNY/Deepavali adverts? They always make me, at least, all teary eyed.
Her works teach us the message of love and forgiveness where race and religion are never an obstacle to knowing each other much better. She made every Malaysians want to be a Malaysian; she reminded us that we have always been and will always be Malaysians.

But of course this last sentence doesn't apply to those with "I can find better living in (put whatever Western country here)" thinking. So what if you've lived/studied abroad - it doesn't make you less Malaysian. You're still holding that bright red Malaysian passport and that blue identity card.

I have to say; I was once that person I mentioned above. But I realized early enough to bring myself back to the ground.

Thank you Yasmin for the thought provoking movies; for the heart warming commercials. Thank you for reminding us that neither race nor color, creed or religion can define an individual. Your passing today left a deep void in me - knowing I'll never anymore enjoy the great movies and ads you have in store. But God loves you more. I'm sure now you're in a much better place.

Thank you Yasmin. Thank you so very much. May you rest in peace. Al-fatihah.

. 029

2009-07-23T10:49:00.006+08:00

Michael and I went for dinner last night. He made the reservation and we met at Tea for Two in Bangsar ♥

Source: After Giovanni

We shared an appetizer platter and I had a yummy poached salmon as my main course.
We also had a couple of drinks and a jug of Sangria. The Sangria wasn't so good - too diluted. But refreshing. And wasn't strong enough to make me drunk - which was great :)

Source: After Giovanni

Being unfamiliar with Bangsar area - I have no idea the restaurant exists. But I like the ambience, definitely. Cosy, romantic and far from the noisy Telawi area. Great for couples who want to have some quiet time of their own though ;)

TEA FOR TWO (T42)
57 Jalan Bangkung
Off Jalan Maarof
Bukit Bandaraya
Kuala Lumpur

Tel: 03-2095 3739

Michael and I had great conversation over dinner - somewhat strange, but great nevertheless. He seems to be genuinely interested. He asked me a lot of things. Things like if I want to settle down someday; if I want to have babies; what my parents think about me dating a foreigner. Those sort of things :)

Strange Qs to ask on a, well, maybe our sixth date. LOL.

----------

The other day Michael mentioned this place to me:

Source: Sekeping Serendah

I fall in love with the glass shed immediately. Pretty right? I didn't know the place even exists until Michael mentioned it to me. I mentioned it to Zara - and we sorta planned to have a weekend retreat there one of these days. Even my colleagues seem pretty interested to go ;)

There are choices of three sheds - Glass Shed, Timber Shed and Mud Shed. A bit on the pricey side, but guess it's well worth it. Check the rates HERE :)

Michael said maybe we can go in October ♥

For more info, get in touch with them.

Tel: 012-3246552(Christina)
Fax: 03-2282 0366
Email: mail@serendah.com

// This entry was only published on July 25th, 2009.

. 028

2009-07-20T12:14:00.002+08:00

Source: FreeFoto

What do you do when he stops loving you?
Well, you cry a little..
Then you wait for the sun to come up
It always does..

- The Sound of Music

. 027

2009-07-15T12:09:00.002+08:00

Michael asked if he can see me before his dinner thingamajig with the clients. So we met yesterday evening at Pavilion - as per usual.

He took me to the poshy place upstairs at The Loaf. And I had the yummy soup again ♥
We talked about the things I confronted him about. I let him explained himself; for I didn't want to just hear only one side of the story. He told me the same thing she told me - I didn't blame him for being a bloke. But I didn't blame her for being honest with me. Perhaps she does care. Or perhaps she's just jealous - she did expect something from him after all ;)

I've never seen Michael in suit. But he was wearing one yesterday - and he looked especially smart in it.

He held my hand and kissed me. I think he doesn't want me worrying about what happened between the two of them. Not that I care so much because it happened before we even knew each other - but I'm still allowed to be teeny weeny bit jealous, right?

Det var då jag såg ringen på hans vänstra hand. Så enkelt - ser även gärna ett bröllop band. Jag frågade honom om han är gift.

He said 'No' - of course.

Men jag vet inte om jag tror honom. Lukas sa att jag borde stanna borta. Att det inte är klokt att koppla in med en gift man.

But I'm not sure yet. So until then - I will keep a close eye on him :)

----------

Ann (and the rest) were already at Luna Bar when Genevieve and I arrived. I felt bad for making them wait but ... (Blame it on Genevieve! Thank you.)

We had good conversations. I've missed Ann though. She's working at a new place now - somewhere close to KLCC. She got along pretty well with the German girls - Sarah and Anna. Well, Simon and Anis too :)

I love good company. And I love drinking when I'm with good company ♥

. 026

2009-07-11T10:17:00.004+08:00

Normalt sett brukar jag inte hata människor.
Men när en person ljuger för mig - det är det!

Jag hatar en liggande jävel.

Jag vet att jag måste konfrontera honom. Lyssna på hans sida av historien.

Men jag tackar Genevieve att berätta för mig.

Michael bokat hotell i Siem Reap i går. Men efter mitt samtal med Genevieve, jag är inte säker på om jag vill åka med honom nu.

Kanske är han bara desperat för ett fan.

. 025

2009-07-07T00:34:00.002+08:00

Last week has been a long, tiring week.

It was a few days before my departure to Thailand that JC confessed he's seeing someone. I felt, well, devastated. It's just so silly because I barely know him. I wanted to just cancel the trip; and not go there to see him - because at some point I felt bad of meeting up somebody who's trying to start a relationship with another person.

But the day before my flight; I decided - why the heck not. One should just take the chance.

He was contemplating on the day of my departure. I was angry - mainly because I was looking forward to see him. I cried on the phone while talking to him. Yet another stupid thing I did on that day.

But I flew to Bangkok; and JC came to meet me at the airport anyway.

----------

It was awkward the first time. But we had good conversation on our way to the hotel.

I did a very last minute booking. We got upgraded to a Superior Suite (?) because the room I paid for were all fully booked. Unfortunately only on the 34th floor - which wasn't high enough for my liking :(

Very large room with a separate sitting area. Plus an awesome view of downtown Bangkok. So; alles goed - as I normally say in Dutch.

JC took me to a really nice restaurant called Zanzibar on Sukhumvit Soi 11.
Very cosy place. Very romantic setting. Very nice food too. I guess it is a perfect place for couples to go on night outs - which made me wish I have a boyfriend. Well, at least at that point of time - because the band was playing/singing some really lovely songs.

I had a fun weekend. Really.

He brought me to a lot of nice restaurants. We went for spa + massage - which was really, really nice. I'd highly recommend Dahra Spa on Silom Soi 18. A bit pricey but very well worth it :)
Then we went up to the 83rd floor and stuffed our face full with drinks while enjoying the very beautiful night view of Bangkok.

But I felt bad because he pretty much paid for everything as I didn't manage to take cash out of the ATMs and my credit cards are blocked. Screw you Citibank!

----------

JC turned out to be the person I expected him to be. Everything I wish for - even before I flew to Bangkok. He made me feel comfortable. That I could be myself.

He held my hand while we were walking sometimes. He hugged me to sleep sometimes. The little things he did reminds me of someone very special. The little things he said left me feeling all tingly inside. Y'know; like having thousands of butterflies in your stomach.

I loved Lauri. But the very last time I felt this way was when Christoph and I were still dating.

I guess that explained why I got all teary eyed when we were at the skybar. I guess that was why I cried the whole way to the airport.

----------

I looked at JC sometimes - I knew he's feeling guilty. I felt the same too. I asked him once; he shush-ed me and told me to not discuss it.

Over our conversation on Skype earlier I asked him if he likes me the same way he likes me online. His answers obviously weren't answering my questions. And he said we girls should be more confident about ourselves.

I like him. A lot. But I know it is not going anywhere - because I believe it is a one side thing.

[06/07/2009 9:52:22] C******** B***** says: I enjoy my stay here in Hua Hin yes.
[06/07/2009 9:52:34] C******** B***** says: more than ever at the moment.

He also once said every single cells in his body like her. I know that is something he'll never say to me. And she is someone I can never compete with.

Over the weekend - he made me feel loved. He made me feel like I was part of a couple. I definitely can't have him; but I'm happy I had him.

Even only for that very weekend.

. 024

2009-06-27T12:14:00.003+08:00

At times like this - I love the existence of credit cards.

And at times like this too - I heart Dato' Tony Fernandes for starting up Air Asia :)

The airline had this No Admin Fee promo thing. So I decided to be bold and buy my air ticket(s) a year in advance. Don't believe my words - I'm just exaggerating!

Bali Island, Indonesia
31st Dec 2009 - 3rd Jan 2010

All I need to do now is (at least try to) convince Feb to tag along - so we can celebrate New Year there ;) She told me to fly to DPS from CGK is a bit pricey..

Colombo, Sri Lanka
15th - 18th Jan 2010

Phnom Penh, Cambodia
25th Mar 2010 - (haven't bought my return ticket)

Hong Kong
21st - 24th April 2010

I'll be spending my birthday in HKG - I'm going to force Feb to come with me :)

I asked my Mum if she wants to go to Jakarta with me. But since she's busy attending her kursus haji - she said no. And she said I could still go on my own if I happen to be interested in going. Might give that a second thought though :)

Yes I abused my credit card privileges. But I splurge it on traveling instead of other items.

----------

I went on a blind date today ;)

I drove to The Gardens and we met up for a drink at Delicious. Michael is great - we had nice, interesting conversations :)

Which led to us attending Urbanscapes at KLPac. I promised a friend I will see her there, and Michael has to meet his clients at the same place.
The area was super crowded - I had to settle with parking my car at the main gate. And we had to walk a long way to go to where the action was. The concept is rather interesting - this, being my first Urbanscapes event. There were stalls selling cute statement tees which I wasn't able to buy because I simply forgot to withdraw some cash :(

So we walked around; went up to the second floor to find Genevieve; walked around again. Luckily it wasn't a hot evening - in fact pretty nice (but gloomy) weather too.

I bumped into Zara while strolling about near the other markets. She came with Malte and the rest of the CSers. So we talked a while - I haven't seen her since the other day when I went for the pool party at her place. I kinda miss our gossiping/bitching session ;)

And Sasha was there too. Looking as cute as ever ;)

. 023

2009-06-26T08:29:00.003+08:00

I was driving to work today when I heard the shocking news on FlyFM. They reported that Michael Jackson has passed away early in the morning (Malaysian time) due to cardiac arrest. But it was yet to be confirmed by the authority.

(It was confirmed a while ago by Debra Opri; the Jackson's family former attorney. MJ died at 15:15 in UCLA Medical Center - FOX News)

Well. I'm not a big fan but still the news kinda made me sad. Probably because I grew up with his songs. We heard/read a lot of 'bad' things about him through the medias. And now what? I bet they're gonna start writing about all the good things he's done the past while - that's what usually happens when somebody dies.

Michael Joseph Jackson
August 29th, 1958 - June 25th, 2009

REST IN PEACE

You can read the news HERE, HERE and HERE - well, those are just some of them. You can just go online and google for it :)

. 020

2009-06-20T12:02:00.005+08:00

I received an email from JC - containing a copy of my flight itinerary to Bangkok.

Over the very long chat on Skype; I told him he's just plainly crazy. And he said spending €80 on me doesn't make him go bankrupt. Pfft.
I have yet to figure out what to do in Bangkok. Probably not shopping; because I still haven't pay the credit card bills. I told JC maybe we could just relax and loiter around at the bars. I still would like to go to that bar Feb and I missed the last time we were in Bangkok.

Apparently there are a few in Bangkok - check out the listing here :)
Feb, no wonder la the taxi driver tak tau..

Even though JC said he'll fix our accommodation; but I still gave him a few suggestions. One of my suggestions was Baiyoke Sky Hotel.

A little bit too pricey for my liking. But the hotel has a rooftop bar on Level 83. And I have a thing for being on high places ;)

JC said if I want to; we can stay there. I mean, he always kinda wanting to know what I wanted. It's great but ...
Sometimes he's too nice; he freaks me out.

We exchanged tons of text messages. He said some rather sweet things sometimes.

Flattering, of course. JC is nice and everything; I have to admit I kinda like him. And I'm so looking forward to seeing him. So we'll see how things go :)

----------

A couple of days ago; I received a surprise in my mailbox - a simple but beautiful wedding invitation from Michal and Milena :)
I like what was written inside the card:

She chased me until I caught her ...

It will be nice if I can actually make it to their reception in Bulgaria - I've always wanted to go there anyway. But at this point of time; I just don't know. Given I missed the cheap ticket promo to Stockholm and it will be Ramadhan during that time.

I love weddings. I love to see my friends get hitched. But I'm not in a rush to have my own :)

I've been catching up with many, many people over the last few days. The breakup left me with loads of times to talk to all my other friends - those I've sorta ignored while I'm in a relationship. Marcus was a bit surprised when I mentioned about my breakup. Perhaps because he has no idea that I was in a relationship. And a few of my other friends self-updated themselves by reading my blog. So they weren't as surprised :)

Oh. And Marcus said by July; he'll know when he's heading this way.

----------

I am at work.

I actually love coming to work on Saturdays. One reason being: the Supervisors are not around. Everyone's less stress (though not so productive at work) and we try to go out for lunch together - unlike on normal days where someone will come get our orders.

But in general I love to be at work.

Yes I am weird like that. Haha.

. 021

2009-06-16T09:21:00.002+08:00

Sometimes good things happen when you least expect it.

It all started with that one conversation on visa run. Then we figured out many, many shared interests. We even share the same birthdate but two years apart ;)
JC is now based in Hua Hin - officially making Thailand his home. And I doubt he has any intention of heading back to cold Scandinavia. He asked if I'd like to come up and visit - which I had to say 'no' to since I've already maxed my credit card and it is also pretty time consuming to travel to Hua Hin from the capital.

So we decided to meet in Bangkok instead.

He offered to pay for my airfare because I complained the ticket is pretty pricey. And now I have no excuse to say no. Crazy, I know.

Bangkok, Thailand
3rd - 5th July 2009

Over the phone yesterday - Feb claimed I sounded happy. And I have to admit I am. Not the 'so happy I want to jump up and down on the bed' kind but more to feeling content. I haven't felt that way in a long time; prolly because I had too much to think about.
And it reminds me of one particular proverb:

Happy is the one who forgets that which cannot be changed

There was never a day that I didn't think about what happened between Lauri and I. But I know things happened for a reason. I tried to keep the relationship together but it failed - but hey, I tried right? So I chose to forget what happened, forget all the name-callings. Because I have no control over it; and to think back I wouldn't want to change any of those decisions we made.

And I saw his true colors now.

// This entry was published on June 18th, 2009 because I was being a lazy bitch. Haha.

. 020

2009-06-09T10:59:00.003+08:00

Boss is a little reluctant to let me go on leave. Perhaps because I'm still under probation. So now I'm sorta reconsidering my travel plans.

Maybe it's a good thing after all I broke up with Lauri :)

But though Europe is slightly out of the picture - I have other travels planned out. For July and (early) August.

Singapore
24th - 26th July 2009

Siem Reap, Cambodia
15th - 17th August 2009

For these - I ♥ AirAsia :)

The other day; a friend I haven't seen for almost a year came to see me in Cyberjaya. We went for a drink after I finished work. He just bought a new car; a red Mitsubishi - which I ended up falling in love with.
We drove around Cyberjaya for a bit but, of course, he refused to let me drive :(

I sulked but am officially in love with the car

Not him. Just the car :)

----------

The whole of last night was spent chatting with Rick.

He's still very much into looking for jobs in this region. Not sure why; but yes he's still scouting for all the possibilities. Which makes me happy, of course.
Rick said he sent out applications to CAE (because they have that affiliation with AirAsia) and also to companies in Singapore. Yesterday - we have a few others lined up.

A few of my friends asked if we're hooking up anytime soon. Guys, I don't do hook-ups okay! Even if we're getting together - it won't be this soon. And of course he wasn't the reason I broke up with Lauri - maybe partly; but not the main reason ;)

For now I'm satisfied with just being friends. Nothing more.

Well. I'm happy with how things turned out at the moment. So no complaints.

Last Sunday was spent at Kevy's :) We had a little pool party. Only five of us though - me, Kevy, Chi, Jacqueline and Jackie (Chi's sister). But it was fun nevertheless.
We talked about things; ate non-stop and learned basic belly dancing from Kevy :)

Pictures will be uploaded soon. When I have the time.

----------

Oh. And now I'm actually worried about a good friend.

She, at the moment, is contemplating whether she should break up with her (current) boyfriend. Or not. I know she loves him. But to me: there's no point staying if her partner treats her badly; there's no point staying if he doesn't know why they're together in the first place.

I told her maybe she's used to the fact of them being a couple. And afraid of going back into singledom. And she just likes the idea of being with him.

I know. I was once, like her. Until one day - I woke up realizing there's no point sticking around if I'm not happy; if he's not happy. And the chances of me meeting my Mr Right is close to nil should I stick to the relationship I was in.

So I decided to let go. And let him be my Mr Right-Now. I believe if we're meant to be together - we will be no matter what :)

One thing I learned from my relationship with Christoph:
You can't force love once it's gone. Drama queen as I am - I tried making him loves me. But it just doesn't work. At the end of the day; I was the one hurting.

Thank you; for teaching me to let go :)

Dear girl;
Please, stop torturing yourself. Just let it go. It is not the end of the world. You two have had a great time together; it's time to move on. Don't worry about being alone - you'll find someone else. Maybe even better than him. And I'll be there for you.

. 019

2009-06-06T03:16:00.002+08:00

Lauri and I broke up three days ago.

I have to admit it was my fault. He said many things that hurt me the past while; therefore I did things that were equally as bad. It is normal for him to be jealous seeing me meeting many guys. It was my fault for not being honest about the whole deal between Rick and I.

But my intention was good. The last thing I need was having him worry so much about me.

In return he said I should be given a second chance with Rick. But I don't want that. I tried hard to mend the relationship. But I got very tired. It wasn't the first time he tried breaking up with me; and it has always been me who tried to keep us together.

He said it's done. That there's nothing to repair. It was then that I finally gave in.

Surprisingly I didn't cry. Maybe I've cried too much before. There was never once that I didn't cry myself to sleep. And now, I just couldn't anymore.

Late yesterday night we exchanged texts. I asked him if I can have the ticket he bought for me to go to London. I said I will pay him back gradually but he wanted me to pay 50% of the airfare because he apparently doesn't trust me in paying him back. I told him my situation - that I can't just fork out over €200 at one go but he doesn't seem to understand.

He said I shouldn't go to Europe because it is expensive and I won't be able to survive. Then he said maybe he can just keep the ticket for himself.

Obviously I know that is impossible because the ticket is under my name. Maybe he simply forgot. I talked to Ed and he advised me to just let it be. That he'll get me a new one should I still want to go to Europe.

I told Lauri he can keep his ticket. That I don't need it after all.

Then I received a text message from him:

I have to say you're one fucking bitch.

I questioned him why am I a bitch for wanting to buy my own ticket. He said I'm stupid for not realizing that he can't use the ticket since it's practically mine. He started calling me names - saying I took advantage of people; misused their trust; self-centered. He said our relationship has always been 'just a game' to me from the very beginning. He said he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore; that someday I'll be facing the same thing I did to him.

That was when I finally cried. I loved him. And perhaps I still do. It never cross my mind he will act this way - calling me names.

Months back I would've done the same. I would've called him names; I would've cursed. But I decided to not do that. And I doubt I can. He's been a huge part of me the past year and I can still picture very clearly that image of us dancing under the moonlight at the harbor.
I just can't bring myself to utter all the bad words. So I kept quiet. I let him let out whatever he needed to say.

He was after all the person I once able to picture myself with in a long run. The one I didn't mind having babies with. Therefore I decided to forgive; for with that comes peacefulness.

I know what he's going through. My next pay and the one after that -- I will transfer those to him :) I just hope at some point he'll realize that I did love him; that I was serious about us; that it wasn't just a game to me..

----------

It's almost 5am but I still can't bring myself to sleep. A friend of mine from Poland dragged me out for movie - we watched Terminator Salvation.

I was never a fan. But I still think the movie was rather good though perhaps a bit too violent for my liking.

. 018

2009-06-03T12:19:00.003+08:00

What happened this morning was rather funny.

I decided to drop by Old Town for breakfast - as I reached Cyberjaya pretty early. Then walked in a bule who sat at the table right across me. He smiled. So being friendly - I smiled back.
Then out of the blue - he walked over, pulled the chair and conveniently sat in front of me. Like wtf? But fortunately he's a great conversationalist with a lot of interesting topics to share. He's originally from Germany; but has been living here since a few years. Oh. And he works nearby at BMW. Typical.

I asked him if he likes Malaysia. He said he misses home sometimes but generally, he loves Malaysia.

I had to leave while he was still eating. He shoved his business card into my hand.
... And asked if he can see me again.

----------

Last night was fun.

Jake (the intern from Georgetown) invited me out. So we met up and joined the rest of the UNHCR interns at Tarbush. They're a friendly bunch. There was a guy from Columbia, a Chinese girl from NYU, an Indian girl from American Uni, Jake's course mate in Georgetown and an Austrian girl who studies in England.

I had great conversation with Julie (the Chinese girl) and Heidi (the Austrian). The guy from Columbia, Nathan, is also at the moment studying Malay - so the whole evening he was busy asking me to translate some sentences.

And yesterday: I tried smoking shisha for the first time :)

Another one of Jake's friend came to join us. Apparently they met in the train from somewhere and became friends. I think he's from Munich or somewhere - wasn't playing too much attention as I was busy enjoying shisha ;)

Ann came to join us shortly after.

After the rest left; Jake dragged us (me, Ann and Philip) to an Iranian restaurant next to Finnegan's. Ann and I spent the whole time bitching/gossipping about the girls I mentioned to her on Facebook - I totally forgot she knew them. Lol.

Ann accidentally mentioned something silly ;)

Philip turned out to be working for Lufthansa. As a pilot. The we started talking about aviation - I told him I'd love to get my CPL. He said I'm being so technical - that I'm the first girl he met who is so into this men-conquered industry.

I think he is rather impressed too.

He invited me to join him and Jake for a drink. But unfortunately I had to work today. And it is a pity he's not flying home from KUL :(

----------

I sent my partner a text with good intention. But guess what. He said it is better if we go our separate ways. He said that'll give me a chance to be with someone else (i.e. Rick). Like wtf la kan.

When it comes to this kind of things - he's always the one making the decision. Never once bother about how I might feel. Ugh.

But whatever. That screwed up my fun night.

If I were to write things about him; it will take me days. But at the moment I prefer not to talk about him.

. 017

2009-06-01T09:46:00.002+08:00

The Dutchie sent me a message on Facebook; asking whereabouts am I. We managed to dole out some time to talk late last night.

We talked about work. He said his company is unable to provide them with proper flying job - all because of the economic crisis. So he said they (the pilots) will be paid 50% of their (basic) salary and are free to work elsewhere for the time being.

The Dutchie is thinking about coming to work here for a while. But not sure if it's easy to find a flying job. Why asked me? You think I know ke? But being a good friend; as I always am - I suggested he tries AirAsia.

But I'm curious now. Why Malaysia?!?

----------

I spent the weekend at Traders - having sleepover with the girfriends.

Kevy's dad paid for the room because she doesn't want any of us to drive home after a night out drinking. Then Wayne (Chi's boyfriend) picked us up and we drove to Quattro - only a walking distance but Chi decided to 'fully utilize' her bf ;)

Ended up there were five girls in the room - Marilyn and Yin Teng came at almost 1am. I think Wayne was a little bored hearing us talked. But by coincidence, my friend Felix called to see if I'd like to go for a drink. He came to our room for a bit; talked to Wayne for a bit; talked about his hometown for a bit -- then we decided to go up to Skybar.

Minus Wayne and Chi. Because he decided to go home and she was too tired after work.

Ann came to join us at the bar. She got along well with the rest of the bunch. I'm glad.

We left Skybar at 3am -- but still continued all the talking until almost 5am. Loads of stories/secrets were shared that night. Especially among the three of us - me, Kevy and Chi. We talked about our respective boyfriends (and the problems that came along with them); our future plans; life; sex; family. Everything.
It's great to see how we've grown and bonded over the past few years.

The next day - it was just the three of us. We had late breakfast at the hotel. Wanted to watch movie at Pavilion but ended up shopping - because there were too many people at the cinema. I managed to score two nice tops from Nichii and Jaspal - really a bargain! Then we had afternoon tea at The Loaf :) ♥

That reminds me to get the membership card. Heh.

I had a fab time with the girls. I wish my other three close friends from college were around; but I felt so content. I know -- as long as I have them and my family; I'll be fine :)

Somebody once said he needs an independent girlfriend. But hey, if I'm too dependant I'd be sending you thousands of text messages in a day. Did I do that?

----------

Oh God! My mother - it doesn't matter to her that I have no plans of getting hitched but yesterday when we were at the boutique she frequents; she started to give me suggestions on wedding dress.

Wedding? Yuck. Gave me migraine just by thinking about it.

. 016

2009-05-29T02:45:00.002+08:00

Almost 3am but I still am not able to close my eyes.

I realized I have some rather weird friend(s). It all started with CS.

Picture this: you met/hosted a guy. He's nice to you (like obviously 'cos he's being offered a free accommodation at your place) then when he left, you decided he's in love with you. Then you started to 'plan' your life based on the country he's going to be.

OR

Picture this: you met/had coffee with a guy. He's nice to you, he said things that you've always wanted to hear. He kissed you on the forehead. Then you decided he wants to be with you therefore you're willing to do everything for him.

How can you tell anyway, I wonder.. It is just not enough to say "Oh we like each other. We're in a relationship now." - not after a few days of hosting; not after hanging out a couple of times. I believe you need more than those few days to get to know a person.

A kiss is just a kiss. It can mean nothing. At least in my POV.

I have come across both situations. It's sad. It seems to me these two are pretty much wrapped-up in their own world. Di awang-awangan.

Girl #1 once told me she's in a relationship with a guy she once hosted. And that she'll move Down Under to finish her studies (and be with the guy). Just recently she went on a holiday with another guy and Girl #2. She came back and asked me if I know any universities in Finland that has the course she's currently doing because apparently she changed her mind - now she wants to go to Finland to study instead.
I immediately realized why (the guy she went on holiday with is from Finland) therefore I asked her - she stopped talking to me after that.

As for Girl #2. Hmmm.. She's naive. She does everything for that particular guy she likes. She'll drive all the way downtown to pick him up then take him out for dinner. Then drives all the way back to her house. What cracked me up the most was when she said she's in a relationship with one particular guy. I asked her for how long - she said they were dating for two weeks then had to break up because he gotta go back to his country.
Like, hello. Wtf? You consider that as a relationship? Hmph.

I pity them. Really. I don't know what is it that they're looking for.

Probably they just feel nice to be seen walking around with ang mohs. That it's great to have a lot of ang mohs in their Facebook friends' list.
Probably they see it as a way to gain better life in the future - which not most of the time true.

Girl #1 once asked me to introduce a friend of mine (he's a New Zealander) to her because she said he's very cute. Get a life!

I have nothing against CS or ang mohs. I have plenty of ang mohs friends myself. But it seems to me these people have no other life. They do the whole CS thing everytime. All the time. Sometimes I wonder if they have other friends - those they got to know not through the website.

I did also meet a lot of people through the website. But my life doesn't revolve around it. I don't see why I should attend every parties, every gatherings; get acquainted with a whole bunch of people without actually knowing them. I don't need thousands of so-called 'friends' in my Facebook. Thank you.

I prefer the more intimate setting. Quality, people. And not quantity.

----------

Kevy is back from Florida.

I will see her and Chi later in the evening. We're going for dinner then maybe to Quattro for drinks. Kevy's dad booked us a room at Traders - so we're gonna spend the night there. Just the three of us :)

I missed the previous slumber parties. They made me swear not to miss this one.

Oh.

The other day I forced Rick to eat at Wendy's with me. I think he wasn't too happy eating fast food. Apparently he's watching his weight - though I think he looks gorgeous nevertheless. Note to self: never ever let Girl #1 and Girl #2 to go near him.

Yiye said we looked sweet together. Heh.

I wonder how he's doing though. We haven't talked since the day he left and he's back in Den Haag now. Adriaan asked how things are - if there's one thing that I miss. It's the fact that I have no one to talk airline language with :(

I hate goodbyes. I'm not good with it.

. 015

2009-05-27T02:19:00.005+08:00

Jack and I went to catch Star Trek at KLCC earlier. It was nice - better than I expected. Not being a fan of Star Trek; we both agreed the movie turned out to be pretty impressive.

It was almost 11pm when we finally got out of the cinema. Almost three hours of having my eyes glued on the screen. One of the leading man, Chris Pine (played James T. Kirk), is an eye-candy. And there were also some rather funny scenes which made the whole cinema burst into laughter.

Isn't he gorgeous? Or is it just me who think so?

Movie + hunky man aside: hanging out with Jack was awesome. Such interesting man, he is. Not to say we have everything in common. But enough to get the conversation flowing. And having too many things in common is pretty boring after all.

But anyways. I get along with Dutch people very easily. So I guess it's just me :)

----------

Somebody (one of my closest friend) said I deserved to receive an award for being a social-butterfly. He said the only way to get me to stay firmly on the ground (whatever that means) is by marrying me off.

It's not as if I go out every night anyway. Hmph.

But anyways. Talking about marriage; two of my male friends decided to get hitched. I didn't actually know - until I saw some Twitter post about 'wearing a ring 24/7' and some wedding photos on Facebook.

So I decided to steal some and use it to congratulate them both. Credits go to the photographer.

Michal & Milena Paluchowski

Finally. Somebody uploaded their wedding photos ♥ Thanks to Facebook and it's 'tagging' feature ;) Michal, please give my thanks to Marinela Dimitrowa.

Len Salter & Shamsia Saffura

One is from the States while the other is from Malaysia. They met while Len was doing that whole Fulbright thing up in the East Coast. And just recently, Shamsia flew to the US to see Len. The next thing I know they're man and wife :)

Congratulations you guys!

. 014

2009-05-25T23:00:00.003+08:00

I decided to take a day off today.

Feeling messed up and not well as I am - I guess I very well deserve it :)

I went to the gym early in the morning. Not many people in the morning -- but there are, of course, quite a number of cute blokes. Just what I need. Eye candies while working out ;)
Met up with Lilly (the German girl I met on CS) around 9.30am because I promised her we'll go out for breakfast today. We hung out for a bit while waiting for Ratna and Lilly's friend, Tami.

I wanted to take Lilly to the kedai mamak nearby; but Ratna kinda insisted we have breakfast at the warung inside KLCC - while I'm not really fond of. But we settled there anyway. Half-heartedly. It was fun hanging out with the girls. Lilly's a very talkative person and Tami, well she's a sweetheart.

Tami followed me up to the gym to get my stuffs. She was impressed by it.

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Lilly and I dropped Tami off at KL Plaza because she has to check-out and continue her journey to Penang. Then we headed to Pavilion (as usual!) for a drink.

I was surprised when Rick suddenly dropped by. Well yea - we promised to meet up for lunch at Pavilion but it amazed me how he can recognized me from so far away. He clicked well with Lilly. We had interesting conversations about cooking and how different Jamie Oliver looks. I always thought of him as a quiet person -- but today, that was proven wrong.

Lilly made a big deal about the bill; which Rick ended up paying anyway. As usual.

He has a few hours to kill so we decided to just chill. Had many, many random conversations - some were rather stupid. At some point I'm still pretty much curious (not sure if it's the right word to use) about what he's been up to. It may also, at some point, be a plain pang of jealousy.

I guess I still care.

So what if I have a boyfriend. It doesn't mean I have to stop caring for people I've known for years; people who once played an important part in my life.

(I don't give a damn about what other people might think regarding the statement. He's been a good friend to me all these years. I love him for that. Period.)

Love is very subjective. When I said 'I love him' doesn't mean I want to be with him.

// This entry was actually published on May 26th, 2009 - because I was too lazy to do it the night before :)

. 013

2009-05-23T01:32:00.002+08:00

The other day - Ann and I managed to squeeze some time to catch the new movie; Angels & Demons. We were joined by a bunch of other friends. I felt as if we were taking a trip to the movie theater. Haih.

But the movie was good. Better than I expected. I thought it'll end up being like The Da Vinci Code. But no. Some parts are different from the book - for example (in the book) it was Vittoria Vetra's father (aka her lab partner) who got killed; but the movie showed that her lab partner wasn't her father. And my good friend Arnaud (he used to work at CERN) said it wasn't the whole antimatter thing that was used.

I still want to visit CERN nevertheless.

After movie - we went to get our dose of coffee at Coffee Beans. And we took pictures.

The two Alex - an American & a Canadian

The Brits - Becky & Sophie

The Australians - David & Nathan

Besties ♥ (one is missing)

At Starhill :)

Yes everyone. We come from different parts of the world.

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I miss them already. The 'American' Alex whom I got to know from the 'Canadian' Alex left the other day to Sipadan. While the 'Canadian' Alex is leaving on Saturday - to Vietnam.
David and Nathan are now in Cambodia - but I will see either one of them soon. Probably David because apparently he's gonna have a stopover in KUL.

Oh. And Ann secretly is having a crush on Nathan ;)

I have a lot of other things to blog about. But that will probably have to wait.

. 011

2009-05-15T11:46:00.003+08:00

I'm selfish, I know. I have always been one.

Relationship, to me, needs sacrifices, compromises. I have responsibilites therefore I have no idea if I'll ever get 'round to doing that.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I certainly don't mind compromising - as long as my partner is willing to do the same. But I can't be the only one doing all the compromising, all the sacrifices. Right?

It's bad enough when your partner made it sound like you have to be the one sacrificing if you want the relationship to work. But even worst when he, whether he realised it or not, made it sound like you're a materialistic person. That losing your family inheritance is the main reason why you don't want to compromise/sacrifice.

I don't mind if my partner puts his family, his friends, his career - before me. But I lost, this time, to something else. Something apparently more important to a certain person who I believe, thinks the world of me.

My heart - shattered to pieces when I read what was written on my MSN window.

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Adriaan came to pick me up at the office yesterday. We went to Padi House and had great conversations over lunch. I told him many, many things - we haven't met since quite sometimes. So there were so much to catch up on.

He dropped me back at the office, gave me a hug, kissed me on the cheeks and told me things will work out fine.

I love the fact I have a good friend working only 5mins away ♥

After gym yesterday; I met up with a friend who's at the moment interning at Ambassade de France en Malaisie. He earns quite a lot - considering him, being only an intern. Hmph.

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There are other things that I'd like to rant about. But since I'm at work - I guess I have to start being a bit more productive.

Instead of checking my iGoogle, replying to messages on CS, twitter-ing with friends and exchanging countless emails with Adriaan :)

. 010

2009-05-13T01:37:00.002+08:00

I am sorry. But I am definitely not interested to be the second best. 'Kthxbai :)

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Well, I've had enough things to rant when it comes to Rick. So yeah. He left earlier for LGK. Thank you God! ♥

On another note:
Today (at least in this part of the world) is my good friend Michal's birthday. I tried to send him a birthday text; but failed. So I had to stick to wishing through Facebook and Twitter.

Me. Michal. Jaci.

The photo was taken about a year ago when he was here on a business trip. We had a long day touring KL on foot - and the very same night I unconsciously agreed to stay up partying with him ;)

Those were the days.

I hope he's reading this. I miss you man. I'm sorry for being bad at keeping in touch. You've been great all along. I hope I'll be able to make it to your wedding. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world :))

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I just scored this really bargain roundtrip to HKG for only RM140. How cool is that? Thank heavens for AirAsia and its update on Twitter ♥

Doesn't really matter if the traveling date is ages from now ;)

Soooooo.. Should I also get a roundtrip to REP? I would also love to see the Angkor Wat.

. 009

2009-05-10T20:38:00.003+08:00

Today, I broke yesterday's record. I spent ages at the gym. I had these mixed feelings. I felt angry. I felt disappointed. I felt sad.
Rick sent me a text around 12ish noon - asking if I'm up for lunch. That was when I left the gym. He switched to Novotel today; so I went there to pick him up then we headed to IKEA. I had this huge craving for Swedish meatballs and Daim cake. But unfortunately the food court was full with people. So we ended up at Dome instead.

I thought I was hungry. But I only managed to finish half of my beef burger.

The past while I was confused. I confronted him about it. He told me his side of the story. He said he needed to be alone; while I seek for his attention. Of course la. We've been friends like how long? You're here out of the blue and you expect me to not ask you out?

I would've thrown tantrums if we were not in public place.

I felt bad since he paid for everything those other days when we hung out. And today, I practically had to snatch away the lunch bill from his hand.

He told me he will take me out for dinner when he's back in KL from the beach - he's planning to go to Langkawi tomorrow. I told him I didn't believe him.

Remember I promised you I will come by to KL again? Here I am now. Though three years too late.

Well I guess there are reasons why he's three years too late. ~~I met Lauri along the way ♥~~

As much as I love having him here; at some point I wish he didn't come to visit. Now my sane life has been turned upside down. Ugh.

. 008

2009-05-10T02:25:00.002+08:00

Dominik and I met up for lunch at The Apartment before heading to the gym. We both had yummy baked fish - left me feeling full until now. It was nice to finally be able to meet up after much delays.

And gosh. He's the exact carbon copy of my ex boyfriend. But it was fun nevertheless.

I spent the longest time at the gym yesterday. Well, I was pissed off and disappointed. So doing all sorts of fitness activities didn't make me tired at all. Perhaps because I put out all my angers on working out. My trainer (who claimed I'm obese) came to see me around 4ish pm - asking if we could reschedule because apparently he needs to head back to Sarawak.
Which was fine with me - I can always do it on my own anyway :))

Then Steven called and asked if I want to have a drink with him after I'm done with gym. Since I had nothing else to do and I was still pretty much pissed off - I agreed. And well, we had the best random conversations ever while lying on the grass at KLCC park.

Wow. I think I have too many male friends.

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I went out again around 10ish pm - supposedly to meet up with Chi and Wayne (her boyfriend) at Luna Bar. So I drove there, parked my car and was stuck forever in the queue to get inside. Apparently this girl (I recognized her boyfriend though) made a reservation for 30 pax and when all of them arrived, the hostess said her name's not on the reservation list. She got all cranky about it and it took almost 20mins for them to settle things.

She and her troop of friends managed to get in anyway.

I wanted to go down to 29th instead; to say hi to Rick. But unfortunately I wasn't able to because I'm not a resident. But I still did use his room number to get away from paying the über expensive parking fee :)

I met up with Chi anyway. We decided to go have a drink at Coffee Beans instead.

It was my first time meeting her boyfriend. He's fun. And very friendly. Both of them listened to random stories about my ever so complicated life and religiously put up with my constant complaints.

Wayne and Chi both agreed that I'm just berkecil hati with what happened. Which is so definitely true.. Then Wayne mentioned something that left me wondering. Perhaps he is right. One can't just forget what used to be a wonderful memories.

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Dear God.

Please stop making my life so complicated.
Please untangle my confusions.
Please show me the right path.
Please help me make the best decision.
Please make everything okay.

. 007

2009-05-09T11:37:00.002+08:00

My life is so messed up. I hate it.

I called Patrick yesterday night. He was being sweet about everything. Halfway through our conversation; I found myself sobbing over the phone. Not knowing why I cried in the first place. He gave me a lot of useful advices. At some point, I felt as if I'm having conversation with a much older person instead of a 23 y.o boy.

He said, referring to his girlfriend:

Bella always dreams of having her Prince Charming to take her away from all these mess. But I told her that Prince Charming comes in many forms, not just as a partner. But can also be your friends.

Patrick said I should figure out what I really want in life. That he's just a ring away should I need a person to talk to or just to listen to me.

Well, as for Rick, after almost three years - he is still that very same person I wish he is. Except now he's (I have to admit) better looking, more well built. We had good conversations over juices at The Apartment - talking nonsense and sharing stories about aviation. I like it. Not all the time I have someone knowledgeable about the field coming to visit.

I knew him when he was an aircraft engineer. And now, he's a pilot. How time flies..

He's going to be around here for the next three weeks or so. I would love to see him again. That's something very definite. But I doubt if he wants to see me.

I think it was that thing I said over lunch.

. 006

2009-05-08T16:29:00.002+08:00

I don't know what was I thinking. This song. There's something about the song.. Well, at least some parts of it.

Those very little part really got to me.

I'm tired. I have a headache. I really need to get some rest.

. 005

2009-05-03T01:15:00.003+08:00

Chi and I met up for dinner the other day after months of not seeing each other. It was nice to finally managed to catch up while stuffing our face full at Spring Garden.
She wanted to treat me dinner as it was my birthday before. So we made plans to go out again this coming week - this time for Thai food excursion :) ♥

I received a text from a very dear friend I haven't seen since I resigned from MH.

Hi babe. Will be in KL next week. Hope to see you xx

He just recently graduated from flying school. Apparently taking some time off before starting to fly. I am excited to see him though. It has been a while. He's been planning to visit since the past, well, two years. So now, it's like FINALLY.

~~I wish it's my boyfriend who's flying over~~. But I still am looking forward anyway.

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I thought of going away one of these weekends. Just to be alone and relax.

A friend of mine who lives in Thailand suggested the destination in that above photo. Isn't it a beauty? It's a small island not far from Langkawi ;)

If all is well (airfare, accommodation, etc.) -- I'm thinking of two weekends from now.

. 004

2009-04-30T11:28:00.005+08:00

I am at work.

It's cold and I'm hungy. F*ck.

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I came across one interesting entry while blog-hopping :)

Here are the differences between men and boys.

1. A MAN breaks up with you when he no longer thinks the relationship is working. A BOY simply disappears and makes excuses while he leaves you hanging.

I've witnessed this countless of times before. People, if you don't want her anymore, then let her go. Don;t leave her there wondering what's going on, if the relationship is still going strong and if so, why you don't seem to want to contact her. It's just distasteful. Set her free so that she can find a new life and hopefully, someone MUCH better than you who actually treats her like a human being.

And girls, please. If the boyfriend refuses to grow some balls and make some decisions, you HAVE to do it. Give him an ultimatum. Buck up or get out. Pure and simple. I'm a girl too. I realise how difficult it is to let go of someone you (think?) you love but sometimes, you have to be selfish and think "I am better than that. I'm better than him".

2. A MAN treats you like a woman should be treated. A BOY treats you like a toy/pet.

This is, in theory, not a very difficult concept to grasp but people seem to have problems with it anyway. It's simple: If he calls you only when he's bored, takes you out only when it suits him, talk to you only when there's absolutely no one else to talk to, he's a boy.

Retreat slowly, and when he's not looking, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

3. A MAN puts you at the top of his list of priorities. Expect to be way below on a Boy's. His friends WILL come first.

True story. This one guy I know treats us (his friends) like queens/kings. He's nice, approachable, always there for us, is concerned to the point of being slightly ridiculous. Basically, he's someone who I KNOW would wake up at 3 AM, get out of bed and come to my rescue if I called him in distress.

And yet, when he's with his girlfriend, he's so different it's mind boggling. The way he looks at her, the way he treats her, the way he TALKS to her. It's like she's the most unimportant thing in his life.

How do I put this BOY in the same league as the person I know? I don't. There's FRIEND and there's BOY. They're two totally different entities that share the same body to me.

4. A MAN reassures you when you're being insecure and paranoid. A BOY just gets offended and snaps your head off.

It's real simple. Everyone has their insecurities. If you're matured enough to understand that you'll deal with it tastefully instead of losing your head and being a delinquent about it.

All a woman needs is reassurance that she's still the most important person in your life and that you have eyes only for her. No need to accuse her to not trusting you, or of being clingy (unless she really is).

5. A MAN stays true. A BOY cheats.

Boys will have many excuses for this, ranging from "I was never happy!" to "I'm bored" to "menyampah" to "They each have what the other doesn't. I can't let go, I love them both"

I nicked it off HERE :)

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. 003

2009-04-28T01:44:00.004+08:00

Magne has been bugging me to come out with him since a couple of days. Since I already made plans to have dinner with Svetlana -- I invited him to join us :)

He needed his dose of latte so we met up at Starbucks. My two mates got along well with one another; no awkward moment of any sort. Which is good. But Magne is the type who gets along easily with just about anyone anyway ;) We had good talks -- he shared his travel stories, told us his grandeur plan (he's buying a boat this Summer!!).
Svetlana is a great company too. She was being laid off last September and has been traveling ever since. We discussed many, many so-called intellectual topics -- politics, economy, MM2H, etc. She also offered to write a guarantor/invitation letter should I need it for Visa application. Oh. She's Russian but has been living in the States since the past 10 years :)

Natalia joined us around 9ish pm and we headed to nearby mamak restaurant.

Her flight landed at 6pm from Frankfurt but she's nice enough to come out for dinner with us. She ordered a whole load of foods to try -- claiming she's very hungry after her 14-hour journey. She taught me a few simple words in Russian too ;)
The three of them keep praising Malaysia. Natalia said she was amazed at the sights on her way to town from the airport. Svetlana loves the food here. And Magne. He loves everything about Malaysia -- even thinking of parking the boat here once he collected it.

It amazed me how appreciative foreigners can be towards my country compared to its' own citizen..

We talked about my European excursion this Summer. Magne said I should come visit him in Norway. Natalia, on the other hand, is moving to Geneva in July. She said I should come visit her -- so we both can go to Zurich together. I sorta like the idea though ♥

. 002

2009-04-25T00:57:00.004+08:00

My colleagues and I went out for lunch yesterday. Unlike usual. And I had the best ikan bakar ever -- or probably I was just hungry.

But: I finally managed to figure out where is the exact location of BMW Malaysia. Duh!

Gym was fun as per usual. Jas came to join me around 6ish pm. We did cardio for a while; then some abs training. Somehow I don't see a point in getting a trainer -- everyone (esp. the guys!) are willing to help us out :) But since I already paid for the Bodyfirst whatever package; might as well just go for it.
And Jas: well we just coincidentally bumped into one another. She's actually a friend of Pyry (the Finnish guy I hung out with a few months back). During my first work-out session, she came to me and asked if I am who I am. The rest is history.

I like exercising alone. But it's always nice to have a company. And I can at least bitch about how painful yogalates is.

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I am in Thailand. My flight was delayed. Might have to go to Cambodia.

A friend and I have been trying to meet up since quite a while. But until now we still didn't manage to. Things always come up at the very last minute.
So many people were in Thailand these past while. Samuel and Monika were there. Laura and Tuukka (apparently) were there too.

And my bestie is at the moment in Sydney. Lucky girl!

I was reading through various posts in the local CS group. This one lady, she sorta pisses me off with her arrogance. Dah la tua, sombong pulak tu. Perasan bagus. Ugh.

Oh. She personally thinks she knows the answers to everything under the sun.

I should head to bed. I'm gonna go work out a little in the morning then attend my Bodyattack class at 10am :)

. 001

2009-04-22T09:24:00.006+08:00

I went to the gym (again!) yesterday for their yogalates class. First off, it seems easy -- but boy, it left me feeling sore all over.

What is yogalates you might ask? Well it actually integrates Pilates breathing/exercise techniques and Yoga asana. If you're still curious, go educate yourself here :)

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Work has been alright all along. I love my workplace. And my colleagues are great.
Somewhat far -- but heck, I don't mind. I start and finish work earlier that most people. So I definitely managed to escape the bad traffic. Another good thing.. I don't even need to get out of the office for lunch. Somebody will come get our lunch orders and bring 'em in before 1pm :)
And I get paid to sit around; listening to various radio stations.

Isn't that great?

Oh. Some friends (my ex school mates) and I are heading to Singapore in June -- for their much talked about Singapore Sale. Maya wanted to shop ('till she drops apparently) while Nazrin wanted to roam Clarke Quay and go for pedicure/manicure in Batam..

We still haven't bought the tickets. But they already have so many things planned out.

But the great thing is: my bestie is coming along with us :))

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Heute bin ich älter.

Oh. And as per the statement above -- I turned a year older today. Thank you all for the wishes, phone calls, etc. ♥