We met about a year ago. I don't believe in love at the first sight - but I've liked him since the first time he took me out.

On our second date - he kissed me. It was, by far, one of the best kisses I've had. Since Christoph. The last time I saw him - we walked hand in hand. He left me feeling a certain unexplainable sensation. Not the lusting kind of sensation. But something much more.

I've never liked a guy that much. Since Christoph. But he is everything I could ever wish for.

A friend said him and I look very comfortable with each other. And I guess: even idiots could see the huge crush I have on him.


We managed to catch each other on GTalk tonight.

After much coaxing - I found out he's seeing someone. He met her while on an assignment in Italy. She's Sudanese; living in Khartoum. And they're dating long distance.

He said he loves her. But not a 100% sure she's the right one - religion being the biggest problem. I was like, wow. I didn't expect to hear that maybe. Mainly because we've never actually discussed our love lives.

Then I started crying.

Nazrin was online - so we talked. She said life's about going places and sometimes you just don't belong. She also said it works the same way with people and perhaps he's not meant to be in my life for a lifetime.

I wish I could change things. But I can't go against fate. Plus: I'm not sure if he even likes me the same way.

And I'm not the kind of girl who pursue other people's boyfriend.


He will always, always have that special place in my heart.
But I know - letting go is the only thing I should be doing now. It has been a long wait, after all.